Trump: Must secure the Oil we stole in Syria


US forces have secured Syria’s oil, and now most of them are on their way out, President Donald Trump has declared, patting himself on the back for “saving a lot of lives.” He then produced an oil-grabbing quote worthy of a meme.

“Let someone else fight over this long, bloodstained sand,” Trump told reporters on Wednesday. “We’ve done a great job…and now we’re getting out.”

Reminding his audience that “we were supposed to be there for 30 days – that was almost 10 years ago,” Trump passed the responsibility for babysitting Islamic State prisoners to the Kurds, and should that fail, “Turkey is there to grab them.”

While colorfully phrased, this part of Trump’s speech did not come as a surprise to anyone, as he’s long been a vocal supporter of ending the “endless war” – or at least the direct US military involvement in it.

What the internet has found more amusing was the commander-in-chief’s emphasis on one chemical substance, which stereotypes and memes tell us the US would go to great lengths to “secure” – by invading countries or overthrowing governments, for example.

A small number of US troops will remain in the area where they have the oil, and we’re going to be protecting it, and we’ll decide what we’re going to do with it in the future.

For all Trump’s lack of subtlety, this statement might as well come off the pages of Reddit, where “America Invading For Oil” memes have been posted for ages – possibly in wake of Iraq War’s vivid lessons.

Even the Distracted Boyfriend meme has been turned into a joke about America Invading For Oil by the internet.

Some 200 of the 1,000 troops stationed in Syria are expected to stay behind on oil-guarding duty, lest the precious resource fall into the hands of the Syrian government, according to an administration official quoted in the New York Times. The rest are withdrawing – with “nobody shot, nobody killed,” according to Trump – and everything is been patched up between Turkey and the US, which canceled all sanctions against its NATO ally “unless something happens that we’re not happy with.”

Twitter wasn’t convinced by the Happily Ever After act. “Did the US just steal Syria’s oil?” one user asked.